Sya Taha takes a deeper look into festivals and celebrations in intercultural and interreligious families.
Eid prayer in Holland
Coming from a purely Malay family with Javanese roots, I took for granted the traditions and customs of the two Muslim occasions that I celebrated. For example, as a child I usually received small colourful envelopes of money during what is known in Singapore and the region as Hari Raya Aidilfitri, or Eid ul-Fitr. I largely remember the special types of food served during this celebration: ketupat (coconut pillows of rice), rendang (spicy slow-cooked beef), and pulut (glutinous rice with dried coconut).
For families that are a blend of religions or cultures, celebrations can be either a time of tension or sharing. I speak to four individuals who celebrate the festivals and cultures of their loved ones from other faiths and races.
Eri
Eri, 32, is a Malay Singaporean woman married to a Pakistani man. Currently residing in Dubai, Eri and her husband exchange aspects of their cultures during Eid ul-Fitr.
Eri and her husband on their wedding day
‘On the first day of Eid ul-Fitr, my Pakistani husband must have his customary sweet dish called sevia, made up of vermicelli, milk, dry fruits and nuts, which is usually served to family members and guests. I learnt to make it from my mother-in-law. I’m not a big fan of it but my husband feels that Eid is not complete without a scoop of sevia.’
This year Eid ul-Fitr coincides with vacations at the school where Eri works as a teacher, so she is finally able to spend Eid in Singapore. As her husband has never spent Eid in Singapore before, she is excited to show him how Malay Singaporeans celebrate Eid differently from Pakistani Muslims.
‘We will be celebrating this coming Eid in Singapore and my husband will be introduced to ketupat paired with savoury traditional dishes. I am looking forward to this, too, because Eid is not complete without tasting the scrumptious rice cakes made once a year by my mother. Apart from gastronomical pleasures, my husband will also be getting acquainted with the Singaporean festive spirit that lasts for the whole month of Shawal! He was genuinely surprised to find out that Singaporeans tend to spend every weekend in that month to visit relatives and friends. Back in Pakistan, he said that the outings usually only last for the first three days.’
Despite these differences, their two cultures do share one practice in common: giving out token sums of money (around $5) to children. Eri and her husband plan to create another shared practice for their family to help themselves stay connected with their cultures.
‘We will be wearing shalwar kameez [traditional Pakistani dress] and baju kurung [traditional Malay dress] to reflect our love for both cultures. We will be adding Arabic costumes to our wardrobe as a nod to Dubai, our adopted home!’
Intercultural families with a common religion often find that festivals are a time to celebrate the diversity within Islam and among Muslim communities. But for interreligious families, paying homage to two different cultures has a different purpose. They often have to create spaces for their own cultures and traditions, in addition to negotiating religious practices.
Felix
Felix, 33, a French man living with a Malay Singaporean woman, tries to figure out which religious practices are important to him and his partner.
Felix has fond memories of Easter
‘Being born Catholic, Easter and Christmas were common for me and I want both my kids and my partner to experience them. I’m not religious anymore but I do want our children to still celebrate both their parents’ cultures and religious traditions, because it’s important for them to be proud of their roots. For example, for this year’s fasting month, my partner told me not to be shocked if I wake up in the middle of the night and see her praying. To me, she’s free to do what she wants and if she wants our family to celebrate Eid or any other cultural or religious celebrations, I think it’s good for our children.’
Despite such fraught issues of negotiating religious practices, especially when Muslim communities often expect the non-Muslim partner to convert and completely accept the Muslim partner’s religion, negotiation and discussion helps to create understanding. ‘It’s also a chance for both of us to learn each other’s cuisine and respect each other for what we are and what we believe in. And that’s what I want our kids to grow up learning too.’
Lyn
Lyn, 29, a Malay Singaporean woman married to a Dutch man who converted to Islam, is keen to celebrate Christmas in addition to the two Eids out of respect to her husband’s culture and her in-laws.
‘[I celebrate] Christmas as a respect to my husband’s family who are all Catholic. I think it’s important to always remember our roots, beliefs and upbringing no matter where we are. And to educate our kids to know the roots and beliefs of their ancestors.’
Married to a Dutch man myself, I have celebrated Easter and Christmas out of respect to my in-laws. In contemporary secular Dutch society, these celebrations have lost much of their religious significance. Many people now see them as occasions for family members to visit each other at least twice a year.
Celine
Celine, 25, a Dutch woman of mixed heritage, grew up celebrating Christian festivals from her Dutch father and Hindu festivals from her Surinamese mother.
Celine celebrates a simplified version of Diwali
‘Diwali is the only Hindu festival I celebrate; the rest are all Dutch and Christian festivals. By now Diwali is more of a tradition of the house rather than a religious experience, as I’ve grown closer to the Christian faith and my Dutch roots. Diwali has become a nice day to spend with the family, but the religious aspect is hardly present. Obviously I respect the culture and religion that my mum grew up with, but it is [now] a lot more casual.’
Celine describes her family’s Diwali as being a simplified version of the actual religious event. ‘You clean the house, you don’t eat meat on the day. Before 6pm you switch off all the lights and place lighted dias [lamps] made of bits of cotton in ghee in every place in the house. Then you eat together.’
In contrast, Christmas is a big family event, with presents and a lot of cooking. ‘It’s just me and my brothers and parents and we spend quality time together. We used to go to church on the 24th of December, but now not every year.’
Celine’s childhood shows how early exposure to different religions and cultures can help create understanding within and across families. That said, she is closer to her Christian roots as she studied for eight years in Catholic schools. ‘I think it would be a lot harder if you had two parents who had two different religions and who practised it a lot more.’
For me, I would like to be able to introduce new traditions that combine different aspects of the culture of my husband with those of my own. For example, since neither of us can seem to get enthusiastic enough to decorate a Christmas tree each year, we thought of making Eid ul-Fitr a special event for our future children with presents – an Eid tradition that is presently practised in India and Saudi Arabia. Learning my traditional dishes are also on my to-do list, while my husband is ready to contribute a typical Dutch apple pie to our Eid celebrations.
Christmas dinner with my husband’s family
Whether families are interreligious or intercultural, such diversity is an opportunity for cultures and religions to dialogue with each other. Parents tend to carry the responsibility of passing down their respective customs, while children from such families are in the unique position to be able to draw strength and pride from having two (or more) cultures, spreading and sharing them for generations to come.
This article originally appeared in the August 2013 Eid issue of Aquila Style magazine. For a superior and interactive reading experience, you can get the entire issue, free of charge, on your iPad or iPhone at the Apple Newsstand, or on your Android tablet or smartphone at Google Play
The post Better together: embracing holidays of multiple faiths and cultures appeared first on Aquila Style.